We live in a time where psychological language is more accessible than ever. Adolescents scroll through quick, compelling messages on social media telling them to “cut off toxic people,” “set boundaries,” and recognise “narcissistic,” “gaslighting,” or “unsafe” behaviour. These messages sound empowering, and in the right context, they can be. Some relationships do require distance. But increasingly, these ideas are being consumed without the depth needed. They are often strip

Assessing Reward Dependency in Resist-Refuse Cases Many resist-refuse cases are multifactorial, and at times reward and regulation play a significant role. Video games can quietly organise the entire dynamic. A boy spends most of his time gaming with his father. The father has the full setup, and they play together. This is not just play; it is co-regulation embedded in a high-reward system. Shared attention, achievement, connection. Over time, this becomes the child’s primar

What Donald Winnicott Really Meant by “Good Enough Parenting” The term “good enough parent” was coined by Donald Winnicott, the British paediatrician and psychoanalyst, more than half a century ago. Since then, it has become one of the most widely used ideas in parenting, psychology, and Family Court. It is a comforting phrase. It reminds parents that children do not need perfection. But the phrase is also often misunderstood. Sometimes “good enough” is used to describe a par

The child I am describing here is organised around loyalty to a parent who provides care, and at times, is also a source of danger. If you interview this child, everything appears fine at first. They engage, answer questions, and speak positively about the parent. There is no obvious distress. Then they say something. “Sometimes they just switch… but it’s usually because I’ve done something.” What is said suggests something that should raise concern, but the way it is said ma

If you work in the Family Court, you will meet this child. The child who is anxious, hesitant, and unsure of themselves, and who looks quickly to the adult before attempting even manageable challenges. When care consistently arrives before the child meets difficulty, something important can be lost. They are often accompanied by a parent who is deeply involved, attentive, and quick to respond or step in. The child is closely monitored, helped early, and protected quickly, so

Before you read this, try a quick exercise. Think of a moment when you knew something was true for you. But you couldn’t say it. Maybe you were in a meeting and something didn’t feel right, but you nodded or openly agreed. Maybe someone asked if everything was okay, and you said yes even though that wasn’t how you felt. Pause for a second. What happened in your body? A tight chest. A knot in the stomach. A quiet voice inside saying: This isn’t right. Most adults know that mom

If you work in Family Court, you know this child. The child who rarely talks about the person raising them, but cannot stop talking about the parent who isn’t there. A six-year-old boy is living with his aunt. His mother’s life has become chaotic with drugs, unstable relationships, and crisis after crisis. The aunt’s home is safe. Dinner happens every night. There are bedtime stories, cuddles, and organised mornings. She bathes him, plays with him, and gets him to school on t

She said her wish was to never see her father again. Her words were clear. Her body was not. Children communicate on more than one level at the same time. When he entered the room, her body responded before her stated position could reorganise her behaviour. She moved toward him, took his arm, and invited him to play. There was no hesitation in her body. Children communicate on more than one level at the same time. Words reflect what the child can consciously organise and dec

There is a girl who learns very early to read emotional risk. Not loud danger. Not chaos. Loneliness. Fragility. A parent who feels easily hurt, easily overwhelmed, easily abandoned. She watches closely. She notices shifts in tone, in silence, in breath. If the parent feels wronged, she feels wronged. If the parent feels abandoned, she feels abandoned. The boundary between their inner worlds grows thin. What belongs to the parent begins to feel like it belongs to her. She mov

A developmental lens for assessment, observation, and relational capacity. Over recent months, I have been immersed in a high volume of complex Family Court report work. Much of this has involved questions of estrangement, cut off, safety versus contact, and the longer term developmental implications of early relational patterns. Across very different families and histories, similar relational dynamics continue to surface. This article explores a difficult distinction in asse

I’ve been thinking a lot about curiosity lately. Not in an abstract way. In a very practical, uncomfortable way. I’ve been rereading my own Family Court reports and asking myself questions I didn’t always ask: Where is curiosity genuinely present here? Where did I slide too quickly into certainty? Where did I bring coherence to complexity before there was enough space to understand it? I don’t ask these questions lightly. Family Court work doesn’t invite hesitation. It reward

A quieter pathway into estrangement, where autonomy, attachment, and emotional cost meet. Family Court often sees a familiar situation. A teenage daughter refuses contact with her father. The father appears devoted, generous, and confused. He says, “I have done everything for her.” The child says very little, or nothing at all. The situation is quickly explained as alienation, defiance, or manipulation. But in many cases, the story is quieter and slower. Sometimes, estrangeme

A judge once said to a parent, “You are plating your kids in gold, but inside they are broken."

In Family Court, this phrase is everywhere. Every Parent declares it.

A psychology-informed framework to help lawyers regulate the room, reduce reactivity, and keep clients inside their Window of Tolerance